02 October 2013

Storm Front Warning



He never saw it. 
Coming over the hill,  the storm
was wreaking havoc. 
Visibility diminished.
Before it was finished
it left destruction in its wake.
That was all he could make.

That was all.
He could make it leave
destruction in its wake
before it was finished.
Visibility was diminished 
wreaking havoc over the hill.
The storm? He never saw it coming.

(C) JPW - 2013

14 comments:

  1. nice. i like the adjusted line breaks in the second...it gives a nice change to the mirror verse....

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    1. I like the variant strain of poem as well, Brian. Thanks.

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  2. Nicely crafted. I liked the slight difference second stanza from first. Sounds like a tornado to me!

    (Could you consider eliminating word verification? It is so hard to comment...)

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    1. Thanks Mary. I didn't realize I had the WV set up. Drive me batty too!

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  3. Oh, wow... this is so cleverly written and constructed. Thanks so much for joining in.

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    1. You're welcome, Laurie. Thanks for the challenge!

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  4. Visibility was diminished - This really works and has a great feel to, i love that line that makes you want to look into the depth of all there is. Love it.

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    1. Thanks Alan, you flatter me. I appreciate it!

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  5. You aced this!!! This, you aced!!!

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  6. The difference in punctuation is very interesting...

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    1. It tells a slightly different tale, doesn't it? Thanks for the comment, Margaret!

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  7. Nicely done! I really enjoyed the twist that the second version took-more personal :-)

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    1. It's funny what a variation in punctuation can do, Sara. Thanks.

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