He considered it a bitter pill, not to be swallowed or spit out; it was meant for Randall Williams to keep to himself never to be consumed. The man knew their fates were doomed from the start. Life’s puzzle was missing pieces, but it had enough to offer the promise of not allowing it to go South. He knew hope springs eternal, but the fierce competitive nature of this man possessed didn’t allow for promises or hope. From the moment Williams had stepped off of the train, he had heard the cries and seen the tears from the dust encrusted eyes of the children left to wander in this desert. The winds were gusting violently; they knew nothing of filters for protection. All the town folk of Waverly knew was that death was slowly filling their lungs, leaving them nothing but an excuse to die. This was worse than any prison sentence. Dr. Randall William was some angel of mercy! He couldn’t help them. He felt as if he was in hell!
© JPW 2013
First attempt at The Sunday Whirl Wordle (#123)
Submitted to dVerse/Poets Pub OLN Week #111
Jeep, welcome to the wonderful world of the Sunday Whirl! You did a great job incorporating the words while weaving a tense story. Death slowly filling their lungs, and he with his black bag and nothing to offer... sad and effective. Thanks, Amy
ReplyDeleteThank you for the kind and encouraging words, Amy. I felt these words needed a varied POV. And of course, the selection pointed me to the right spot to start.
DeleteIt makes me think of the dust bowl of the 1930's. My parents (RIP Dad) were born during that era.
ReplyDeleteYou are an excellent writer, and I do hope to see more from you.
The blogs I write for are team blogs. My particular piece for this prompt is here, should you have an interest in seeing it.
http://dothedead.wordpress.com/2013/08/25/the-cave-trolls-allegation/
I appreciate the interest and encouragement from you as well, Tempest. I will certainly be reading your work.
DeleteMore often the killer is silent as in Port Pirie in South Australia where 98% of young children had unsafe lead levels in their blood in 1984. This level has only now been reduced to about 50%. Should we pleased at this figure? Humanity can indeed help it but how important is that? We must keep rattling the cage.
ReplyDeleteWe'll go kicking and screaming, oldegg. Thank you for your humanity!
DeleteExcellent prose piece. Nice to see you at the whirl.
ReplyDeletePamela
Happy to be seen, Pamela. I will try to keep pace with the wonderful work that I have found here!
DeleteVery nice prose. I like your style and I am happy to meet you here. :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you Mariya. I am finding a comfortable place to write poetry here. And I'm enjoying meeting so many talented people, much like yourself.
DeleteTensely tied into a marvellous little bit of prose. I loved this completely.
ReplyDelete~ Misky
That is something coming from you, Misky. I generally let the words dictate the form and direction this would take, I had written stanza, but this lent itself to prose. Wanted to be a Haibun, but I found that the final haiku/senryu detracted from the rest of the piece.
ReplyDeletePowerful prose! It really spoke to me. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI know, I'm torn between my penchant for poetics and powerful prose. I guess as long as they speak to you, I must be doing something right! Thanks Daphne.
Deletenice intensity to this...being a doctor and seeing all those hurting and being unable to help...i imagine that to be quite the hell...you should stretch this out and work it to a short story...i want more
ReplyDeleteI will take your suggestion under consideration. I actually imagined it a longer bit of fiction, Brian. I'll work on it! Thanks.
Deletehow tough it must be if you know you could help them maybe if you had the right medicine or equipment or more time or whatever it is - but you just don't have it - and you cannot - must be so tough
ReplyDeleteThe definition of futility. But no matter, exhausting all possible avenue is key. And as Edison said, "Just when you think you thought of everything... you haven't!" Hope to never find myself in that position. I wish the same blessing on you, Claudia!
DeleteNice prose. I think you could expanded this a bit, adding more details. Pump it up from flash fiction to short story.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line: From the moment Williams had stepped off of the train, he had heard the cries and seen the tears from the dust encrusted eyes of the children left to wander in this desert.
You give a lot of information in that sentence and it sets the scene well.
Thank you for visiting and for your encouragement, Linda. Consensus tells me it should be a short story and I'm working up some scenarios. Rewrite and recreate. What would we be without both functions! ;)
ReplyDelete