He said, “Good
Morning! A lovely day isn’t it?”
She said nothing and smiled.
He said, “ I
hope you’re feeling better today!”
She said, “I’d be doing much better if
you’d stop talking to me!”
He said “Fine!”
and walked away
Days passed, sight unseen
and it had been
as long since they “talked”
as long as he’d walked.
The phone rang!
He said, “Hello.”
He knew who it could be when
She said, “I’ve been thinking!”
He said he felt
like he had been drinking
She said, “ I have this sinking feeling I’m
falling!”
He said he
knew there was a reason she was calling!
He said, “I
noticed your number. You’ve been calling…”
She said to herself, “He’s stalling”
He admitted
saying, “I’m stalling. I’m not sure…”
She said, “I’m sorry I bothered you!’
He said “Fine!”
put the phone away.
Weeks passed, sound unheard
And it had been
So absurd when they “talked”
As long as he’d balked.
The phone rang!
He said, “Hello?”
He wasn’t sure she would call back,
She said, “Look I admitted my feelings…”
her head was reeling,
He said,
stealing her thunder, “Don’t you wonder what I was going to say?”
She said, “When, the other day when I
went away? Yes” she said to her dismay!
He said by
the way, “I’m not sure… but I think I’m falling too!”
Minutes passed, he was gassed
And it had been two miles
He had run to see her smile.
It was the longest while.
The doorbell rang!
She said, “What
do YOU want?
He said “We were falling…”
She said “I
feel sick again. It appears I was calling…”
He said sadly, “…the wrong number?”
She said, “Yes. But I guess since you’re
already here, d’you have time for a beer?”
The bottle was passed, they were gassed
It seems they had a good time
And it cost not a dime.
Now they meet every Tuesday, same time!
Wedding Bells ring?
© JPW – 2013
Wow, I love the way you formatted it! Great idea! You had a great use of dialog. One thing I noticed is that you reused many of the rhymes. This is fine; it adds a certain feeling to poem. Maybe next time you could try mixing it up more. Overall, I really like this poem; you're very talented. It told such a sweet story!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping, perpetual poet. tThe "format" just kept the conversation easier to read. The rhyme use was most intentional, it shows a supposed "familiarity" of the people involved - like they've heard it before, but were slightly off. It is truly about the story.
DeleteThis is a regular he-said-she-said melodrama on the ground level, without a victim or a villain, but edging toward being each other's hero. Nice.
DeleteJust what I was going for, Susan. To many "he said, she said" are more confrontational than conversational. In a true "conversation" the give and take becomes a give and give. That's what I tried to convey here! Thanks for stopping.
DeleteA very uplifting poem with a happy ending..Simply a deferred friendship, with some basic conversation pieces...The scene was set!!
ReplyDeleteEileen
Thanks Eileen. Uplifting and a happy ending; a PREFERRED friendship.
DeleteI love a 'he said, she said' with a positive ending; and this is as wonderfully positive as it gets. Nice writing, Jeep.
ReplyDeleteMary, you're always so kind with your comments. I've come to rely upon them. You humble me! Thank you.
DeleteLove the happy ending and found the poetry format intriguing. Nice and I enjoyed it.
ReplyDeleteThe format was a chance happenstance. I wanted the conversation to stand out, but also wanted the "narration" to stand alone. Glad you enjoyed it, Anne.
DeleteHa! Those kinds of conversations in real life drive me crazy - but this is very authentic - this is how it goes! You have written it to perfection.
ReplyDeleteI know, right? Drives me nuts as well. And heard enough of them to get the feel for it in this verse. Not sure about the "perfection", I feel I've still a lot to learn. Always a pleasure, Sherry.
DeleteGreat form and the use of conversation has a flowing, river feeling. Thus was very well formed and written
ReplyDeleteThe format as I mentioned above was a thought that popped in my head. I wanted to show the "give and give" of a conversation, each having their own say to meet in the middle to express a shared emotion. Thanks Alan.
DeleteLoved the form and that they were able to finally get together.
ReplyDeleteOptimistic poetics, Kathryn! I've used the dialogue breakdown before, but added the adjoining narration on a lark! It seemed to work well!
DeleteExcellent format for the back and forth. Also liked calling/stalling/falling. And yes, I think I hear those wedding bells, too. This was a refreshing take on the he said/she said prompt! Thanks, Amy
ReplyDeleteI know, Amy! It seems the "he said, she said" always delves into the bitter and anguished. There's enough of that crap in the world. This treatment needed the love and hope we all wish for ourselves and others. Thanks for coming back.
DeleteIt's a wonder anyone gets together based on the human ability to mis-communicate
ReplyDeletenicely done
MDW, even a stopped clock gets it right twice a day. Luck looms large.
DeleteYou do a great job illustrating the challenges inherent to a relationship as it develops. Forward momentum is not always lock-step and predictable, and sometimes takes some effort!
ReplyDeleteJeep, this is brilliant! You took ordinary circumstances, and added touches of rhyme that made it all stand out.
ReplyDelete